L-L-L-L-L-L-LETS GET READY TO RU-U-U-U-U-M-M-M-MBL-L-L-L-LE!

Alright!  Listen up!  Or in your case, pay attention to what you’re reading!

First let me say that I won’t be going into any detail whatsoever about Regina last weekend.  Some people don’t like me, some think I will ultimately fail at this, and some think I’m useless as an aspiring comic yet they like to see me on stage because I’m apparently so bad I make them look better by comparison.  Their opinions and the gong show that was last weekend a select few know about, and that’s the way it will stay.  I won’t even acknowledge it.  Let’s just say I went out of town for the weekend and I now have a better understanding of the stand-up game and how I fit into it…and the people I need to listen to, and the ones I need to ignore.

Oh, there’s that and the fact I got so drunk last weekend that…….. wait a second?  You seriously think I am going to tell you what happened?  Not when it’s part of the new material I wrote     🙂

So, here’s the deal.  There’s a competition I’ve been invited to be a part of out of town……oh shit, wrong one.  Let’s put that one on the backburner and talk about what’s really important here.

There will be a competition coming up towards the end of next month in Saskatoon.  Comics submit their names for consideration and Dez picks the ones who he believes will make the competition close and exciting.

LET ME USE THIS BLOG TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO YOU PEOPLE. AM I GREAT?  FUCK NO. I GET THAT, AND I CAN ACCEPT THAT.  BUT I SURE AS HELL DO NOT EMBARRASS MYSELF ON STAGE WHEN I GO UP.

People who say shit like that are just like my family.  They’re good people, don’t get me wrong.  But as long as my bills are paid (yep) and I have a job (nope), there isn’t much they give a half-hearted shit about in my life.  That’s fine.  They think I embarrass myself on stage and have no fucking clue what I am doing.  Well, let me clue you into the reality of the day.

I don’t walk around acting like my shit doesn’t stink and being condescending and insincere to everyone who crosses my path.  I know people like that from karaoke, and it fucking makes my stomach turn how people can be like that.  It’s disgusting and they should feel ashamed of themselves for being a poser.  I know for an absolute fact that people like that are insecure and have issues of their own life they are too lazy to either fix or figure out, so they decide to trash an easy target.  Seriously?  You people need to grow up.  Having said that, even though I have been in the stand-up game for a few months, I have seen some bad comics.  We’re talking not very good at all.  They have no stage presence, don’t speak confidently, their jokes suck and worst of all is they don’t get any laughs.

Now before people get on their moral high horse to tell me their “expert opinion”, you need to sit down and shut your mouth because I am not finished yet.  I’ve seen some very good performances, and some very bad ones.  In watching the great ones, I believe I have the potential to get there.  With the bad ones, I know I have the basic tools at my disposal to be better than the bad ones.  Donald Trump said that he never went into a deal without knowing if he could survive the worst thing happening in that particular deal.  So, what is the worst thing that could happen to me?  To not get laughs.  But I don’t see that happening.  I don’t say that because I’m trying to be like the ignorant, loud-mouthed assholes I’ve come across, but because I was a radio personality.  I had my voice on stations across Canada, and I have been a karaoke host for several years and am comfortable enough on stage to have the ability to communicate with people confidently and to get a laugh or two from them.  So when I made my stand-up debut, the only thing I was missing from my arsenal was the comedic material.  I could make people laugh off the top of my head at Crackers, but now I needed to put my writing skills to use and set up material that would be pleasing to a comedy audience.

So far, there are people who have seen my sets from the beginning who would tell you that I am getting better, and the laughs are getting better as the writing process goes on because the more you write, it just gets easier, at least in theory, if you see yourself improving.  The laughs when I first started out were sporadic at best, but mostly people I don’t think laughed because the jokes weren’t set up properly to maximize their full comedic effect.  I’ve written a shitload of material, so it’s starting to get better, but certainly isn’t something that will fix itself overnight.  Anyhow, the laughs are starting to come.  I am able to add bits and pieces to my core material that I know will work if I’m able to communicate it properly, and it helps to have a receptive audience too because some nights you have a tough crowd where they are so young they don’t get anything you make reference too.  Oh well, can’t please everyone all the time I guess.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, this all ties in to the fact that I do not embarrass myself on stage, ever.  Sure, some jokes might work and some might not but I never embarrass myself on stage.  If I did, my friends would tell me to my face.  Well, they might only tell me if I asked for their opinion, but still, at least I get an honest answer.  For those of you who are sitting there thinking that my friends must be lying to me to massage my ego, you seriously need to get your head examined and stop being a prick.  Really?  Wow, nobody gives my friends any credit for being independent people?  What a classy bunch you are!

I’ve fucked up more times that should be allowed probably, but by the grace of God (I don’t need you Jesus haters on my back for believing.  You don’t believe, that’s fine, I don’t need you spewing your horseshit on me.  It’s like Howard Stern.  He has the right to be on radio.  If you despise what he does that badly, TURN THE CHANNEL AND SHUT YOUR FACE), anyhow by the grace of God I still have those trusted friends by my side and they don’t think any less of me.

This message is for those core friends who have seen my show, but also to those who haven’t.  In preparation for me to be considered for this competition, I need your opinions on my material, specifically what worked, what didn’t and why.  Look around the room too as I am onstage, what resonates with people, what confuses them, what didn’t they find funny?   This is an opportunity to grow for me as a performer in these next few weeks, and I need your help to get there.  Come out to my show if you haven’t yet.  There is a lot of comedic talent here in the city, and for 5 bucks to see anywhere from 3 to 7 comics on a Monday night, that translates to very good value for your money!

At the end of the day, I’ve found out that the only opinion that matters of how good you are is if you get laughs.  Pure and simple, you gotta get laughs.  Comics judge success by the laughs.  You get the laughs, then you don’t listen to the negative bullshit where you get trashed because you know that you are at least getting some laughs.

Once you get some laughs, it’s a starting point to move forward.  With a bit of hard work, writing and constructive feedback, you can help me get there.

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