Words Hurt – Coming From A Drama Queen

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God has given me the ability to use words in amazing ways.  I am a very good public speaker, a good story teller and a good writer.  Some of the things I write evoke emotion in others.  I have found that my words have the power to life people up.  I have also found out the hard way that my words have the power to suck the life out of people and dig them a hole so deep they have trouble finding an adequate shovel to dig themselves out.

My words have landed me jobs.  My words were also the reason my previous relationship ended.  Now I have nobody close to me in my corner, nor do I have the unconditional love or trust of anyone close to me (closer than a friend).

This birthday of mine was supposed to be a memorable one.  Oh, it was memorable alright, for all the wrong reasons.  Everybody thought it was great, but then again everyone else isn’t me.  Everyone else hasn’t had to deal with the embarrassment of this week.

Tonight I was perilously close to staying at home.  I wasn’t about to go to mom and dads for my birthday supper tonight.  Why would I, after the way they have treated me this week.  It’s beyond embarrassing and I really don’t feel like a part of the family anymore.  I feel like a target.  A big, moving target that’s easy to fire at.

Tonight I was made aware of what you said about me.  Let me tell you something chickie.  This time, you fucked with the wrong guy, especially when I bent over backwards to try and help you.

Tonight I made what I used to call the walk of shame home.  It’s the walk where after I had a bad set, I walked home, by myself, with nobody close to me, head hung down wondering where my sense of value or appreciation is.

But tonight wasn’t the walk of shame.  No, it was more like the walk of anger, of a slow fucking burn.  I will never, ever forgive you after what I heard you said. Ever.

Let me make something clear.  Abundantly clear.

I know I’ve been a failure most of my life, just ask my parents, they will gladly vouch for me on that point.  My girlfriend walked away because of my words.  My parents, well who knows what they think, but it’s nothing good.  Just ask my close friend who heard how they speak to me a few days ago when they were over for a visit.  This friend didn’t want to say hi, and stood behind the door and heard everything.  You want to talk about embarrassing?  I had to look this person in the eyes after my parents left.  In that moment, I think this person finally understood me, from A to Z.  This person “got” me after all this time.  That made me feel worse than after any set I did.

Or so I thought, until I caught wind of your words.

I am broke.  I have no job.  The jobs I have had are either dead end or ones where I get thrown under the bus.  Some people think my life is complicated and stay away from me.  Well guess what, it’s called life.  Nobody’s is ever perfect.  We all have shit to deal with.

It doesn’t matter if I become even a bigger failure in life from this point on.  It doesn’t matter if I actually catch a fucking break and become successful, which I highly doubt.  Regardless what life throws at me, I guarantee you that your words will never escape my head.  I will never forget the words that you used.  Ever.

I will get to the USA one day, and I will go to Los Angeles and perform at the Comedy Store in Hollywood.  Furthermore, I will attract interest when I go to Los Angeles, and I will also get that t.v. spot.  When my comedy coach first started working with me, he stated that my style of comedy would be good for a t.v. spot in the USA, and he will help me get it just to keep people like you quiet.  Also, I will get a girlfriend again.  It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when.  I’ve learned the hard way what words can do to a person who loves you.  I have learned the hard way and it’s caused me a considerable amount of heartache, pain and stress.  Not to mention it was a part of the reason I lost my last job in the first place.

I’m not stupid even though I’ve been treated like that by my parents for my adult life.  Whether I reconcile a past relationship (I’ve had a few) or find somebody new, the next girl in my life will want to nominate me for boyfriend of the fucking year because I will never make those same mistakes again.  She will have a backbone too, and stand alongside me to get past the negativity and bullshit that people like you generate in an attempt to slow me down or make me quit.  Then when I do get the success you don’t think I am capable of, you will be the first one whom I cram it down your fucking throat.

It’s moments like this when you see people for who they truly are.  I now know you are not a friend.  You are a drama queen and a first rate fucking asshole.  The rest of my life may be falling apart around me at times but it will never, ever stop me from wanting to stick it to you.

I am beyond furious.  I am hurt and disappointed as well.  Couple that with the fact I have nobody in my life and my parents treat me like a mistake, it’s made for the most memorable birthday ever, for all the wrong reasons.  Never before have I felt unwanted, disrespected and thrown under the bus, all because of your words.  But you go on thinking in your own delusional mind that you are right in your assessment of things.

I will not rest until the day I die to make you look like an idiot  for ever saying what you did about me, albeit behind my back.  You fucked with the wrong guy.  There’s an army of people standing behind me that will support me and back me up if ever I need it.  People know I am not an asshole.  I wish I could say the same for you, but I can’t.

You’re the one that’s going to look like the loser in the end.  It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next week, it may take a year, or two, or maybe longer.  But your day is coming.

Bullies always think they get the last word.  Not in this case.  I will get the last word.  I’ve proven people wrong and made believers out of assholes like you before.  I will do it again.  I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of quitting.  Keep shitting on me if it makes you feel better, it’s just more ammunition I will have to fucking bury you when I succeed.

 

 

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