Yeah, About Last Night

Tags: failure, stand-up diaries, struggles, The Stand-Up Diaries

I received a comment today regarding the post i published last night. If I posted the comment, others would probably post as well and take issue with my plans for next year. I appreciate the comment, but I don’t need to feel worse than I already do, not that it was intended but my life is kinda in the tank at the moment.

Having said that, the comment also made me wake up and realize that saying too much in the wrong way, or simply revealing everything through an unfiltered lens (which is how I usually write as I just sit down and go), isn’t a wise idea for my future plans. I sat back for a moment and thought about this person’s comments and how others might perceive them.

I had no intentions of writing another post this year, but I will try to clarify a few things.

First of all, I’m probably the only comic around these parts who will do a gig that might fail, and admit it didn’t go great. I have no ego and am not a phony.

So, I don’t think any of you can begin to comprehend what a shit life looks like or what it’s like to always get fucked over time and again. I know some of you think it’s all my fault, but you can take that ignorant viewpoint and shove it up your ass, because it simply isn’t true. All I seem to find are employers who talk down to me and make me feel like I have no value.

Don’t get me started about the employers that conduct interviews either. I believe they should treat a job seeker like they would a customer. Instead, they treat a job seeker like an inconvenience, making them uncomfortable, and by ignoring follow up emails or phone calls after the interview. If you say you will call a customer back, you do. Why can’t you keep your word to someone who wants to work for you as well?

I’m also 25k in debt at 44 years of age, and will probably stay that way because I can’t see a job coming my way that has decent pay where I’m actually treated like someone of value instead of being the scapegoat and thrown under the bus. Oh, and don’t give me this bullshit song and dance about how I bring this on myself, how if I have a better attitude things eill get better.

Go fuck yourself. I have a good attitude when I start a job, at least I try to. Again, none of you understand that I might have a bit more to worry about than most starting a new job. If you had three or four jobs where the employers talked down to you amd they didn’t last three months, how would you feel? Maybe you should go read a book from a shrink and it will tell you.

It was also made known to me that there is a comedy competition in the city once a month. Really? That’s news to me. Shows you how much others think of me.

I have been to competitions in the past. POORLY RUN, UNPORFESSIONALLY RUN competitions. They don’t compare to what I experienced in Oakland, even though it didn’t go very well.

For starters, Oakland has one that is always sold out, so it’s usually a packed room of at lesst 50 to 75 people each week. The host is an experienced headliner, clean, respectful and professional in every sense of the word. He doesn’t pick fights with the audience, nor does he bash the other comics. Everyone gets the same amount of time, 4 minutes. A tight four minutes at that, with a countdown timer you can see at the back of the room. The competitions in the past seemed to be like a regular comedy night with maybe 5 more people in the audience. Instead of going to the same place week after week with the same group of comics, to get (possibly) the same reaction to material whether it be good or bad, I’d get a better idea of where I’m at to take a week off here or there and put myself in another city in front of a comedy audience who has no idea who I am.

Then there is the writing component. I have mentioned that at the next pro club I perform at, there would be a joke or two that’s new, to be interspersed with old material.

I know how to write jokes, more specifically I understand the how and the why of material that succeeds or fails. If some of you comics already had this figured out, maybe you should have wanted to help me instead of throwing me under the bus, slandering me, threatening me, bashing me publically or ignoring me in the hopes I would just disappear. You had your chance to have me feel like a part of the local scene. I don’t feel like I am, and probably never will. I don’t see anyone wanting to change that for fear of not getting other gigs because they wanted to help me.

I march to the beat of my own drum. I feel like I am the least respected and the least followed in terms of popularity and support. If I’m full of shit, then put your money where your mouth is and show up to my next Laugh Shop gig.

When I write a joke, I look at it every day. EVERY FUCKING DAY. I always go over it and try to figure out how it can be better. I can tell you that after reading the same joke every day for a month, it comes out completely different than the original joke.

Then I rehearse it every day, sometimes taping myself telling the joke to get an idea of its timing.

I did the gig at the U of R with brand new material and I hadn’t been on stage for several months. Guess what happened? I didn’t miss a beat on stage. I know this because one Regina comic told the Irish fraud who was with me that I got much better.

Because of my comedy classes (I know you don’t start a sentence with because but go fuck yourself anyways), I know with certainty whether or not a joke will work when I’ve written it. If the joke is STRUCTURED properly, regardless of whether it’s brand new or an oldie, IT WILL GET LAUGHS. There have been a few times where I have seen a comedian in a pro club mention to the audience that a joke is brand new, and it ends up working. Imagine that! I heard of a comedian doing a brand new joke for their first t.v. appearance that actually worked. Comedians should know before they hit the stage if a joke will work or not. Again, it’s about structure.

Life is always passing me by. I’m 44, not married, single with no kids, no job (at the moment) and the headliners in this city go out of their way (it seems), to make sure I’m the only one that doesn’t get invites to non-open mic gigs. So what the fuck do I have to look forward to? Who is going to come and offer me a gig, when all I get are messages sent to me with offers for bogus gigs?

If a comedian in these parts stepped outside of their comfort zone (most don’t know how) and threw yourself into the fire, in a different city, in front of a new audience, with something to strive for (getting paid), you might get where I am coming from. But most of you don’t and could probably care less.

It’s demoralizing, frustrating and at times hopeless, because I don’t have any answers.  All I have is debt and a looming eviction hanging over my head, all the while trying to convince an employer that I am capable of having a job.  Sorry if the tone of this post is a bit harsh, but that’s the way it is.  How would you feel if you had no money and no job for the third consecutive Christmas?

I don’t see any comedian offering to help by including me in gigs that are advertised and publicized.  I will end with a quote from the movie I Am Sam.  Think about it and put yourself in my shoes

You don’t know what it’s like when you try and you try and you try and you just don’t get there