Transparent Or Translucent?

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I’ve been at this for a very long time now, much longer than I ever expected.  The comedy journey has lasted far longer than any relationship, far longer than any job or volunteering commitment I have had.  Well, besides attending church, which I have done for the last fifteen years or so, but only belonging to Faith Alive for the last four years.

I should be enjoying this time in comedy, with new comics welcoming me to their shows and all the comics supporting the show I run, with more shows to do now than before the communist government took control for two years.

But, I am not really enjoying it like others think I should be.  Instead, I am being cautious and tempered in my expectations.  Sure, everyone is friendly with each other, for now.  But that won’t last.

I don’t believe I’m like the rest of the comics, being friendly and sociable with all the other comics for the sake of unity within the group.  That’s fake.  That’s bullshit.  That isn’t me.

Now, that isn’t to say I go out of my way to ignore folks, I just don’t get too excited over things.  I know who wants me on their shows, and who doesn’t, despite how nice they may be.  The only time certain comics have anything to say about me on social media is when I make a misstep, when I fall short, when I say the wrong thing.  Then they come out of the woodworks and proceed to take pleasure in running me over multiple times.  I know who they are and know what they are really like, so I don’t go out of my way to be chummy with them, as there is no need.

Comics always won’t be this friendly, this supportive and inclusive.  It’s all a smokescreen for some of them. I have been well aware of this for a long time.  I take little satisfaction in anything these days, whether it be my living situation, job stresses that mount, or from personal or family relationships.  People think they should compliment you on a job well done or for who you are when it’s expected, but that’s when that lacks its most sincerity.  I need authenticity these days, and it seems to be in short supply all around me, except for those at church.

I don’t tolerate platitudes.  They do nothing for me and don’t benefit me at all.  People can say what they like in person to your face in order to keep appearances, but behind a keyboard it’s completely different.  It’s sad.  Instead of trying to be better comics, some comics should try being better people, then the comedy will follow suit.

There is no real leader in the comedy community.  Maybe that’s because many don’t want to be tied down or told what to do.  There should be a mentor, somebody that is the go-to.  I am not volunteering for that position.  There are many leaders it seems, me among them.  Some are content to follow, which is fine.  But this sense of unity is a sham.  Ultimately, it will not last.  I would like to be proven wrong, but I doubt that will happen.

Like I said, I would like to be proven wrong.  If I put my name forward for a spotlight show, would I be chosen? I believe the community sees me as more of a target, a punching bag rather than an asset.  If I do the same thing several others do, I will be the only one singled out for it, because that is just the way my cookie crumbles.

I have two more posts to write, so I should probably quit this one while I am already far behind.

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