Don’t Hurt Like I Do, Just Relate

Tags: adversity, amateur comedians, confidence, dating, depression, discouragement, forgiveness, grief, hardships, Saskatoon comedians, The Stand-Up Diaries, Trevor Dean comedian

They say that comedy comes from pain.
If that’s the case, I have alot of feelings to process. I’ll probably need to turn that into material, to help me heal. But I’ll need my comedy coaches help.

The one thing I won’t do is trash the woman I was seeing on stage. There’s a way to turn how I feel, with this heartbreak, these feelings in my core, into comedy. There are a few laugh triggers that would bode well for my recent struggles.

I can’t begin to tell you what my days are like. I can’t begin to tell you what my days are like. Just like with Nicki from a few years ago, nah, this time is worse.

With her, the recent lady I saw, there was something…….. that’s all I can say. To try and describe the good, is impossible to convert unless I’m looking into her eyes and telling her. It’s easy to come up with the bad, but I remember part of this one sermon that said “love sees the bad, but praises (speaks) the good”. Through my own insecurity, self doubt and being too scared to have these conversations, I did not live up to that moniker. That’s something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

There are reasons why I didn’t live up to that. I did at the start, things were easy, they flowed, but then things happened. Things changed. We both changed. Now here we are, barely speaking, feeling like we each have lost our best friend.

How will I take this hurt, this spirit crushing, unforgiving heartbreak and turn it into material? I don’t know. But I remember with Nicki, when I did that material after I got dumped (3 times in 18 months), I performed that material that made it seem, quite rightly so, that despite my best efforts, I could never get it right

People related to it and recognized my struggles as some they can relate to. That’s where the laughs kick in.

It’s been about several years since I’ve been that vulnerable on stage. I felt like the biggest piece of garbage on stage, partly ashamed for what I did, sad, angry and heartbroken. Their laughter made it easier for me to sell the fact that I was a jackass that threw away the good love, or what I thought was the good love of a woman.

Now I’ve been careless enough to have thrown it away twice, and this one hurts the most. I won’t say why, but it sucks. I cannot tell you anything more, other than it sucks.

Now I have to take those feelings and put them to paper. When I do material it should put things into perspective. I can’t remember what it’s like to be that sad, vulnerable and, yeah, just sad…… it’s been ages since I’ve experienced that on stage. I can’t remember how to tap into that, simply because I spent most of the last ten years trying to build myself up and turn things around.

Without her, I feel lost, like……. lost.

With the summer coming, I hate it. Summer is my least favorite season by far. Nobody invited me to the lake, camping or for a weekend getaway. I feel like everyone is leaving me behind. It hurts.

So what do I do now? Pray for wisdom that I’ll create material that highlights my struggles while putting her in a positive light (it can be done).

When you shed tears during worship at church, you know something is wrong.

So why am I thinking comedy will be able to fix it?