Taking A Break — To Finish Writing This Chapter

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While I am humbled by the success and the reach of The Stand-Up Diaries, there is one part of writing these blogs that can be a stumbling block at times.  It’s called writing the beginning.

I have re-wrote this particular entry a few times because I don’t know how to start it.  Hopefully I won’t stray too far from the topic.

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing goes right?  Whether they be problems at home or at work do you have something at the end of the day you look forward to?  Whether it be volunteering, seeing that special someone, or doing stand-up comedy?  Normally that something to look forward to would help you take your mind off your troubles, but what if it couldn’t, and just ended up making things worse?

That is the dilemma I have found myself in over these past ten days or so.  Usually when I had a bad day at work, comedy would be the one thing I had to look forward to, getting on stage and letting out the anger, because the creative process for me is a motivator and helps me focus on creating comedy and not on the outside distractions or problems I encounter.  But I don’t have bad days at work anymore, because I really like my new job.

The problems stem from outside of work, and usually I can let that shit slide or not worry about it, but the situation warrants my attention right now, and that means I am unable to focus on comedy for the next little while.

I mean, I could probably go on stage and do my shit, it would all be rehashed material though.  I did have a few new bits that I debuted at the comedy festival, but they need some work and for me to properly work on those jokes and their timing, I can’t do it half-assed.  There have been times where I’ve seen some comics go through tough times where they deal with shit in their personal lives, and it takes a toll on them to the effect that they just go up there and do old material, not really giving it the credence it deserves.

While I can certainly understand why they still go up and perform, I guess I’m a bit different in that regard.  The situations that I need to deal with are on a personal level and have nothing to do with comedy or work, and because of this I find it tough to focus.  For example, you remember me saying that after a while I was able to condition my brain into just generating comedy ideas?  Well, I can’t do that now.

Let me be clear. In no way does this mean I am giving up and quitting comedy.  I have had a night or two where I went up not fully prepared and/or not giving a shit, and it showed in the end result.  I have had enough bad sets that I will not get up onstage knowingly expecting to fail.  Plus I have a few new bits that I did at the festival that needs some work.  For me when I do new material I usually pay attention to the timing and try to re-work the setup each time out.  I can’t do that right now, which means I wouldn’t be performing for the reasons I need to be performing for.  That in turn means I am not being true to myself, nor am I doing anybody any favours by putting myself in such a position.

Again, this is not me pouting and quitting comedy because someone made fun of me onstage.  This isn’t about bombing so often that it’s discouraged me to take a break.  Fuck that noise!  If anything the comedy festival showed me that I am still in the process of turning the corner with my performances.  If it wasn’t for the distractions of life right now, I would still be up there, but like I said, the situations I am in presently are enough of a distraction to keep me from concentrating on getting better.  Yes, I guess I’m a bit spoiled in the sense that I am a single guy with no kids, and I have a job, so I don’t rely on comedy to pay the bills.  If I was ever in that position, I think the pressure may be too much to be able to properly put together good enough sets to make a living at it.  I look back at the ones who are successful now and wonder how they did it.

Now that the scope and reach of The Stand-Up Diaries is what it is, I must be mindful not to air the “dirty laundry” of my personal life too much.  Let’s just say that certain family members/relatives need to grow the fuck up, be supportive of my efforts and not give a shit about what others blab about me.  Last time I checked, I graduated high school in 1991.  That means I left the high school attitude and drama behind years ago. We are grown adults now, act like one!

I imagine this hiatus from performing will be for another 7 – 10 days at the most.  When my work schedule permits, I’ll still be out to support the local comedy scene, it’s just that as far as performing goes, it’s not a viable option right now.  Some of you may have wondered what took me so long between postings, so now you know.

Don’t worry, eventually the bullshit that’s going on now will be stage material in the not too distant future.  It’s easier for me to write about it after the fact, as hindsight is always 20/20.

Thank you for reading and supporting the blog and the comedy scene in general.  I will be back on the stage very soon.

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