Raising The Steaks Might Mean Leaving Quietly

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I wanted to use this time to talk about the new location of the comedy club, but recent events over the past few days will take precedence with this posting.  Ladies and gentleman, this is probably the most uncomfortable post I’ve written since I’ve started this blog.

Over the next 7 – 10 days, there will be a discussion about my continued involvement in the Saskatoon stand-up comedy scene.  There is the real possibility that Trevor Dean may cease to exist, for good.  Based on a conversation I had, I believe I’m accurate in saying that I am not currently welcome on stage at the comedy club, in its new location of the upstairs loft at Maguires Pub on 8th Street.  I want to be careful in what I write about the situation, so as to protect the confidentiality of not only the conversation itself, but of the other parties involved.

I will say this though, the comedy club in its new location is much better and certainly a step up for a variety of reasons.  I hope to share my thoughts on that topic through a future posting.  But for now, I shall concentrate on my comedy future and why it’s been cast into some doubt.

I was unable to attend the opening night, as I was at my parents house to celebrate my mom’s birthday.  The following night, on Friday I went to the club, which I’m pretty blessed that it’s a short walk from my house.  Well, it seemed like a short walk from my place when I inadvertently assumed the pub was on 8th & Cumberland.  Anyhow, when I got there I found out that a couple of the new guys got onstage for the opening night of the new location, and I am happy for the opportunity those guys took full advantage of.  On Friday night a couple of other newer comics took to the stage for the first time at the new location, with one exception, that being myself.

From the opening moments of the show I could feel a certain vibe about the room.  Right away I could tell that Dez was actually doing well, being the professional comedian he’s worked so hard to become.  Not that he wasn’t at the old location, but everything about his material, the timing and the stage presence told me the bar had now officially been raised.  This was a different type of audience, and he was doing one helluva job in entertaining the people.  So I get this vibe that is completely different from every other venue we’ve performed at, and certainly way more different from the old location of the comedy club.

When I was told I wouldn’t be part of the performers that night, it left me with an uncomfortable feeling inside.  This is why I stayed for Dez’s opening set, and part of the next one before I left.  I didn’t want to be a distraction, so I thought it best to leave quietly.  It was a lonely walk back home that almost culminated in tears.  I was left feeling alone, left out, a bit hurt and confused.

There are some who have said that my perceptions on my comedy career are a bit cloudy at best.  I want to state this is not true.  I never said I was the best, nor did I say I was the worst, but I certainly am much better than when I started out, having especially grown in my performances in the last couple weeks.  I suppose that getting a job with opportunity and security was the biggest factor in my improvement.  Dez always said you had to earn stage time by contributing to the club in some fashion, and I can say that I have done more than some to contribute, from bringing out regulars, getting help to paint the original club, from this blog going all over the world, to handing out free tickets to strangers by the dozen.  So I couldn’t help but be a bit puzzled and bummed out by my exclusion on Friday night.

So I went home and made a posting on my comedy Facebook page, asking aloud why it was that I had not been given opportunity to perform for a bigger crowd.  As of Friday night, the majority of the new guys, whether they started comedy at the same time as me or later, had been onstage for the new location.  Without getting into specifics about the content of my posting (which has since been removed), well….let us just say there’s been a bit of fallout as a result.

Could I have been more diplomatic, politically correct, tactful, or not posted it at all and had a conversation directly with the person(s) I referred to?  Absolutely.

However, for those who know me best, I’ve never been the assertive type, in the sense that I can go up to somebody and tell them my beef with them.  Well, I suppose I do that to a point.  I will approach the other person, but instead of being direct and saying what I truly feel, I will beat around the bush, be completely sarcastic or I will openly complain using forums like my blog or Facebook.  You don’t have to tell me it wasn’t the brightest idea to ever pop into my head.  I get that.  I should find a better way to deal with conflict in my life, or to espouse my opinion in a more constructive manner, but I don’t know if that will ever happen, maybe because I’ve been told no so many times in my life, I don’t want to start an argument, or maybe I’m just afraid the other person will be negative to the point of bringing me down.  But I have never been the type to really stay silent for very long when things really bother me, I mean really, really, really bother me.  Add to that the fact that I don’t have anybody close to me (relationship) to lean on, and my family is ignorant and opposed to listening about anything regarding my comedy; my friends haven’t come out to see me perform like they used to and it’s of little wonder (to me) why I would feel like I’ve been abandoned at times.

It should also be noted that I invited the people who read the post to ask why I had not been given opportunity to perform for a meaningful audience like everyone else had.  I cannot say with certainty who submitted their ideas, or as to the content of their submissions, if there were any at all.  What I can tell you however, is that I received a note suggesting it may be necessary to be withheld from any further stage appearances for a few months, where at that said time the situation can be reviewed.  I am not sure if that means I am no longer welcome at the comedy club.

I have to admit that the last couple days have been very uncomfortable for me to live.  I feel like it’s as if I don’t have the identity, the confident (inner) swagger that I once had of being part of the Saskatoon comedy scene.  I don’t want to make this sound dramatic, but it’s the truth when I say that I don’t have the same sense of purpose or focus that I used to have when I was in the comedy scene.  It’s been really difficult these past couple of days.  Not only do I not feel like anybody is in my corner, I don’t get the onstage support, it’s disheartening.  I have worked harder than almost anybody, putting in the effort and continuing on the comedy journey that would have made others walk away from it a long time ago.  It’s disappointing to know that I may be left out of the future of Saskatoon comedy, considering all the work I’ve put into it, and how it’s helped me get through some difficult times.  I am never one to simply give up and quit, no matter how many times I get “kicked to the curb”.  Even if I have only 1% of me that believes, that’s enough in my mind to keep moving forward.  I am very proud of what I have accomplished thus far.  It may not seem like much to the outside world, but to those within the comedy circle, I know there are some that are amazed and inspired in some cases, to the trials and tribulations I’ve endured to get this far.  That means a lot to me.

This conversation about my comedy future will take place very shortly.  I do not know the outcome of it, but there is a glimmer of hope, some reassurance for me.  At the end of this note I read, it stated that I had the opportunity to call and discuss the situation further.  This is positive because it shows that there still may be a place for me in the future, based on my contributions to this point.  I mean, sure I may have screwed myself pretty good with that Facebook posting, but think about it.  It would have been easy for the note to say that I was no longer welcomed and to go fuck myself.  But that didn’t happen, which leads me to believe there is an opportunity for dialogue between both parties and an opportunity to move forward with a better understanding of the other persons’ position.  This isn’t to say that I am completely right in what I did, and I’m certainly not making excuses for the content of the posting.  However, we are all human, which means we were born in sin and that emotions at some point can control the way we handle situations.  It happened plenty of times in the Bible; that right there would conclude that nobody is perfect and that we are all born with the same ability to make mistakes.

I don’t know what else to say, except that I am disappointed on several fronts here.  I hope to be able to move forward from this, but it will take some time and discussion before my future with the comedy club can be determined.

I want to say one last thing…..

I approve all comments that get posted here.  The majority of them are positive, but there are some once in a while that take me to task on something I wrote.  I welcome those type of comments and will gladly approve those, to show my impartiality.  Please feel free to leave your comments below to this posting.  You don’t need to subscribe to this blog to comment, just fill out the form at the bottom.

This may be one of the last postings from The Stand-up Diaries, but I hope it hasn’t come to that.  I shall keep you posted in the coming weeks.  God bless you all.


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