Redemption – Straight From The Horse’s Mouth
Tags: redeeming, Saskatoon, stand-up comedy, The Stand-Up Diaries, trevor deanIf you want to know what redemption is like, I think I am an expert in the field. Granted, I’m not comparing myself to Jesus but in an Earthly sense, I can tell you what redemption is like and how it has impacted my comedy, family, employment and personal life.
Do you know what the best part is about falling down, about fucking up big time and hitting the bottom? For me, it’s about the witnesses. My close friends stand by and watch in horror and shock, my family gets disgusted and the people who don’t like me laugh and spell out my demise. It may sound strange, but I like that feeling. I like to take notice of who watches my downfall. Who laughs, who cries, and who walks away.
I like that feeling because just like Rocky, he may be getting the stuffing knocked out of him, and down again in the fight, but he gets back up. He wills himself back up. Why? It’s because the opponent he’s facing doesn’t know that Rocky has one punch left, one good punch that has to count for all the marbles or he’s through. That “bunker” type of mentality, a “me against the world” type of thought process at times, has given me the motivation required to get back up and keep going. When I dig my heels in for a damn good fight, I always win. ALWAYS It may not be right away, but down the road, I climb out of my circumstances to rise above them victoriously.
Anybody who says that redemption is necessary in ones life is correct. However, anyone who tells you that redemption is fun is lying through their teeth. Sure, the end result can be fun providing you stick with it, but the whole process is a pain in the ass, it’s time consuming, demoralizing at times and taxing both physically and mentally.
Matthew 17:20 says this:
So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you
That passage highlights an important point, actually it’s the most important point to keep in mind before true redemption can begin. You need to believe it, even if the amount of your belief adds up to the size of a mustard seed. You MUST believe.
No matter how many times I’ve been knocked down in my comedy career thus far (and it’s been more than the other local comics combined), I always had that belief that I could be better. I may not have known how I’d get better but I knew that deep within the core of who I am, I had the ability to get better because of the gifts He gave me.
Having said that, I asked for reinstatement to the comedy club, and was given a date in a couple weeks. I will not be ready then, as I need close to another month to get things properly lined up. Right now with my comedy coach, I’d say we are done at least 50% of what I wanted to accomplish. I owe it to myself, and to the people who follow and support me, to take as much time necessary in order to get this thing absolutely right.
Just remember that the belief has to come from within yourself first. It isn’t something that people can spoon feed you. Sure, they can tell you they believe in you, but in the end it’s you that has to make that choice, the decision to accept their statement as the truth that can help to set you free. Sure, there will be setbacks along the way but you must always carry that hope within you, especially if you know that the judgement day is coming soon.
Speaking of which, I will try to have my return to the comedy stage rescheduled for sometime towards the end of April. I shall keep you all posted.