How I Used Comedy To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket (TRUE STORY)

Tags: amateur comedians, Saskatoon, speeding, speeding tickets, stand-up comedy, The Stand-Up Diaries, trevor dean

As I drove away, I was still in a state of shock in addition to being partially blinded by the strong headlights of the RCMP vehicle that pulled up behind me.  The 10 – 15 minutes prior to that moment are unbelievable, it’s the type of story you hear about happening to other people, although this time it happened to me.

My friend and I were driving back from Regina after the Relay For Life Fundraiser, just after 1:00 a.m.  When we were driving through Chamberlain we came to a sudden stop as a jack rabbit the size of a full grown deer hopped across the road.  I swear if I didn’t know what a jack rabbit looked like, I would have sworn it was a kangaroo.

Anyhow, we left and were going at a decent speed on the open highway, about 130 km/h.  I couldn’t figure out why there was a vehicle on the other side of the divided highway with its lights off going the wrong way.  I slowed down a bit to see what was going on, then I noticed a patch of road joining the two sides of the highway.  Once I saw this vehicle hit that patch of highway and turn its lights on, I knew it was the police heading towards me.

I had a sense of calm over me as I pulled to the side of the road.  What happened next, well, you won’t believe it……

RCMP (cop):  “May I see your license and registration please?”

Me:  “Here’s my license, constable.  My friend is looking for her registration as it’s her car.”

Cop:  “Trevor, the reason I pulled you over is because you were going 130.  Why were you going that fast?”

Me:  “Well, I’m a comedian and I was in Regina tonight doing the Relay For Life fundraiser at the University of Regina on campus.  Had a good time, it’s been a long day and I was just looking forward to going home.”

Cop:  “Have you had any speeding tickets before?”

Me:  “I used to have quite a few in my younger days, but I probably haven’t had any for about five years.”

Cop:  “Going that fast is dangerous with all the wildlife on the road at night.”

Me:  “I know, there’s nothing funny about going 130.”

Cop:  “I’ll be right back.”
Now, at this point it’s worth noting that he seemed to take a bit longer than usual in his unit.  I casually said to my friend “I wonder if he’s maybe checking my story out?”  Well, he came back after what seemed like 15 minutes, and what happened still has me in disbelief.

 

Cop:  “So, you were able to find the gym okay?”

Me:  “Yeah, it’s in the Kinesiology building on campus.”

Cop:  “Tell you what, if you can tell me a joke I’ll let you go, but make it a good one.”

 

 

For a couple seconds I couldn’t think of anything.  I started rifling through all the jokes in my head that I could use, before I decided on using the one that my comedy coach created for me.

Me:  “I recently celebrated the anniversary of the first time I had sex.”

Cop:  (laughs)

Me:  “But no matter how hard I try to forget, I’ll always remember the exact date because it’s always right there on my credit card statement.”

Cop:  “Okay, just remember to slow down and have a good night.  I’ve seen what moose and deer do to vehicles like this all the time.  Just be safe.”

 

And with that, he drove away while I dealt with the spots in my vision from the bright headlights behind me from the cruiser.

As I said, I had a sense of calm over me when I got stopped.  I was told to always be truthful when pulled over, cooperative and don’t be an ass.  Talk about using comedic timing!