If This Is It

Tags: stand-up diaries, The Stand-Up Diaries, trevor dean, Trevor Dean comedian, trevor dean saskatoon

I am aware that originally publish the last post on December 31.  However, after some reflection and changes currently taking place in my personal life, I’ve decided to make this my last post for 2017.

At the beginning of this year there was plenty of optimism on my part anyways regarding my comedy.  I was working towards getting back to The Laugh Shop, the trip to Los Angeles was in the process of being booked, and Carnac the Mediocre was born.

Now as I write this almost eight months into the year, The Laugh Shop won’t happen until 2018, and that’s not a guarantee.  Los Angeles could have turned out better.  It was lonely, not having anybody to share it with was probably the thing I regretted the most.  Oh, that and the fact that I did horribly on stage at the Flappers open mic and at the competition in Oakland.

I’m not kidding.  They were embarrassingly awkward and bad.  I felt all alone being thousands of miles from home with what felt like very little support from anyone. The second I got on stage at both places I forgot who I needed Trevor Dean to be, and got nervous and intimidated that me, of all people was doing comedy in Los Angeles. Once I forgot who I was, I couldn’t tell the audience who I was and went into a mixture of material about L.A. and stuff about me that would have been better received had I established who I was right off the bat.

The worst part for me was having my comedy coach watch and have me turn into somebody completely different on stage, the comic I used to be, before the coaching started.  I guess it’s a good thing that because of my schedule he wasn’t able to get me in to the Comedy Store.  I can already see if I was part of the Comedy Store that night, I would not have been confident and make more of a mess of my set, and make my coach look bad.

Some of you will probably read this and sit back and laugh.  I could care less.  At least I went.  I told you that I was going.  I went.  I met my coach, did an open mic then rented a car and drove over five hours on the California highway from Los Angeles to Oakland.  For a comedy competition.  I got four minutes of stage time, ripped by one of the other comics in the competition, a handshake and a thank-you for coming.  That’s it.

All the while, Carnac was still being hated on, labeled as a fraud and a joke thief, although talk of lawsuits for slander seemed to put a lid on that.  The hateful comments from fake e-mail addresses still persisted, as did the indifference I’ve been treated with in regards to the Saskatoon comedy scene.

What will bother me is that this all was preventable.  I didn’t have to stop posting for the rest of the year but a lot of this was precidated by a lack of action on certain peoples part.

My last two employers kept me on the job for a total of a shade over two months.  14 months before that I was employed and underpaid for two years, before I got thrown under the bus.  Add to that relationship and family turmoil (both of which are separate, by the way) and you can see how much fun life has been.

So, comedy should be my great escape, right?  Well, this time it wasn’t.  Monday and Tuesday night comedy shows that were advertised (not open mics), corporate events and fundraisers couldn’t be bothered to ask me to be a part of things.  All the while I’m being told to my face that I’m pretty good on stage, people like my stuff and I am a big part of the comedy scene, my blog has a following in Meadow Lake (somebody actually told me that with a straight face once).

It used to be that forging ahead on my own was easy to do, especially in the first couple years because I saw the day where I would start to get consistently better. Now that I am there, sort of, all the outside stuff is starting to wear me down after six years, and wear me down quickly.

The newcomers to the local scene get spots on advertised shows, and so does everyone else it seems, on non open mic shows.

Actions should equal your words.  I seem to be the only comedian in the city that understands that principle.  Do I talk a lot, yeah.  But I back up what I say, regardless of whether I fail or succeed.  How many of you in comedy have stepped out like I have not only with the L.A. trip, but to do Dope Fades, an online comedy show?  I have personally reached out to a few comics wanting them to be part of something I am doing.  Not only were none of them every on board with their actions, when it came time for them to put on fundraisers or shows that weren’t open mic (that charged cover), they seem to forget about me pretty quick.

To that end, I have become frustrated that the local scene has done nothing for me. Sure, open mics are good but beyond that I have been bullied, threatened, sexually harrassed and slandered.  All this still going on almost six years after the fact.

That’s pretty sad.

Why should I keep giving to all of you when I get jack shit in return?  Some of you have brought this upon yourselves.

I am the only comedian in this city, maybe even the province who is about as transparent as you can get.  One thing you cannot say about me is that I am a fraud. Not a chance of that happening.  I know of four comedians in this province who are frauds.  How many of the frauds I’m speaking of would ever admit to failing, let alone wanting to talk about it?  Nope.  That wouldn’t happen because they have a reputation to uphold, so they believe.

I try to live my life where I treat everybody equally, the way I want to be treated. Unfortunately, in comedy, these frauds I speak of will only brag about their successes and not talk about their failures.  I don’t mean failures in life that they use for material, but failures on stage, like having a bad set.  Audiences won’t connect with somebody who is fake, but fortunately for these four comics they could win Academy Awards for their acting skills.  So these frauds perpetuate this successful angle, all the while they don’t want to step out of their comfort zone.  Don’t try anything new or different because they might fail.  I’ve had enough of their two-faced bullshit.

I have no desire at the present time to continue being the only one who is transparent with their personal and comedic lives, only to have people not give a shit, and when they do there is a percentage of you that will rip me for it.  Well, not anymore.

Every month since the beginning of this blog, I have written at least one post per month.  For almost 72 months I have written at least one post because I felt an obligation, a responsibility to you as word of mouth spread about the blog.  Now, I could care less which is why both comedy pages on Facebook are unpublished.  Why should I make keeping you informed a priority, when nobody has done the same for me?

So, what will I be working on for the rest of 2017 if I won’t post anything further?

Well, for starters I hope to get another job pretty quick, considering the fact aside from my last paycheck I will only have my final two weeks to collect for EI, then I’m screwed at the end of September if I cannot find anything by then.  And no, don’t bother giving me ideas on where to apply or employment connections you might have.  Why would anybody go out of their way for me given recent events?

I also plan to attend Faith Alive and try to get my faith end figured out.  To that end, I will also be concentrating on relationships.  Not necessarily of the dating variety, but just relationships in general.  Certain people have said we need to get together and talk and fellowship.  Well, I am going to hold you to those words, for some of you.  I don’t whine and play the victim, trying to pit people against each other.  I also do not present only the side of the story that will make me look good.  No, instead I give both sides of the story, the good and the bad.

Guess what happens when I’ve done that lately?  The people who are worth it in my life, they tend to appreciate the honesty and humility which I speak with.  Some of the best relationships that I’ve cultivated recently are with those people who see me for who I really am, and not for who I only want them to see.  That’s been huge.

Now, if you don’t mind, I need to get to McDonald’s because it’s 2:23 a.m. and I have a craving for my usual order (why should you care).  Then I will get up and go volunteer at the Friendship Inn, because at least there I’m treated fairly, respected, and appreciated through the words and actions of the staff.

Actions matching what you speak?  Heaven forbid!  Maybe I should write about that.

Or maybe not.

Goodbye for the rest of 2017.