Shutting Up My Critics & Moving Some To Tears

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I have been waiting to write this blog for a very long time.  It’s taken me almost ten months.  Many, many, many, many times of not being funny, being beaked at by the audience, being trashed by other comics and by Dez Reed onstage.  It’s taken me ten months to get to this point.  I always knew I had the ability within me to do this and succeed, and now, after all the bullshit and negeativity and people telling me I could not succeed, I can finally say with confidence that I belong.

The first thing I am proud of is my brand new material.  Being homeless isn’t as bad as people think, and the three times I admitted to the audience that I was homeless, I got a myriad of reaction.  The first time I said it, I never got a reaction because I think the audience was more stunned than anything.  The second time I mentioned it, the crowd applauded somewhat and gave a collective awww while some laughed.  The third time I admitted it, I got a mix of awwws and claps again.  One young lady in the audience said that I tugged on her heart strings and she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, but she knew it moved her to donate to the Salvation Army. 

The best parts were after the shows from the comments I received from the audience and Dez.  The audience said I did very well, and the first night I debuted the material people were unsure if I was being serious or if it was just an act, because I was able to sell it that well.  The other times I did that material people commented on how well of a job I did.  The ironic part is that this major breakthrough has not been seen as of yet by my friends, who have had to suffer and endure months upon months of me being shit on stage. 

Dez even said that I earned the time onstage at the comedy club.  I believe he said that when I was told that I needed to get better, I raised my game.  That makes me proud most of all, considering the fact that Dez didn’t think I could succeed when I started my comedy journey.  We’re friends, and I’m sure he wants me to succeed, like anyone else who gets up on stage to do stand-up on his time.  He never thought I’d succeed.  This isn’t news to anybody, considering the fact that he said this publically and to me.  He also mentioned this blog before my stage appearance Thursday night, which I appreciated.

He said that his wife really loves the blog, and Dez said part of the reason it’s successful is because I wasn’t setting the world on fire when I first started.  If I had been great right from the start, he figures the blog would just be self-grandstanding and fake, not sincere.  I’d have to agree. 

So, in light of this breakthrough there are some people that I need to thank, publically.

First, I want to thank Dez for not only being a friend, but for continually letting me get on stage even when I wasn’t very good.  It took until probably December until he started to talk to me a bit about my sets.  It took a while to make believers out of the other comics too, and that is understandable considering the fact I was shit for so long.  While people may have a variety of opinions about Dez, I have spent enough time with him to know that in addition to being funny, he is a good friend, a guy who keeps his word, loyal and there with advice when needed. 

Next I would like to thank the other Saskatoon comics who have supported me, and the few in Regina who have been kind enough to lend me some pointers.  The ones in Regina who deserve thanks are Dane Imrie, Haris Khan and Justin Chen.  The comics in Saskatoon I need to thank are Junior Kush, Steve Thomas, Joel Jeffrey, Myles Morrison, Jody Peters, Kelly Taylor, Tommy Savitt and the others who have passed through our city.  Each one of these people have been generous with their time, giving me pointers and tips, sometimes even telling me how I can improve my jokes.  When you get another comic telling you how to fine tune a joke, it means that they thought it was funny enough to re-write.  That is a compliment in itself!

Lastly I would like to thank my friends.  They have come out, for the most part, to see myself and the other local comics every night.  Every time my friends came to see me they complimented the other comics on doing a great set, and never told me that I did well.  They just thanked me for inviting them and left.  They somehow thought that if they told me what they really felt, it would hurt my feelings, which I find odd considering the fact that even though Dez trashed me lots I still kept coming back week after week. 

If my friends who have seen me before are reading this, they NEED to come out and see this new performance. Now after sets I do, they will have no choice but to say to methat I did a good job.  I’ve been shit for long enough and I finally deserve the same treatment from them that they freely give the other comics because I have now earned it. The only reason I put it like that is because I am that confident in my ability now to perform for an audience.  Before some of you get your shorts in a knot over that comment, just put yourself in my shoes for a minute here.  Have you ever wondered what it must be like to be me, taking all the shit and abuse that I did for the first several months, then compounding that by not having your friends say much of anything about your performances while your family is too ignorant and narrow minded to even watch what you do?  I am excited, passionate and able to sell the material and make it convincing and funny.  I just want to see the looks on your faces after my set when you tell me the same compliments you’ve given the other comics.

There is just one more thing I would like to say, and that is about my family.  There is a reason that I use my middle name as my stage name, it’s because my middle name sounds better, and because when I am called Trevor Dean, I feel like I am my own person instead of being reminded who I am related to.  I have never come across more negative, narrow-minded, ignorant people in my life who try to not only stifle my creativity but make me feel bad for even trying in the first place.  They always get on my case for wanting to be different, like I should be like everyone else.  The only two things they have ever cared about is that I have a job and a place to live, that’s it. 

When I was a volunteer literacy tutor, my mom knew my learner through the friend of a friend.  I got nominated for the adult tutor award, no response, until I had to discontinue the tutoring relationship.  Then she piped up and told me that I am not a good tutor and my learner was too dumb for me to help them.  Then I was in politics for 6 years, the president of my riding for 2 of them, never complimented on getting involved.  Then with the comedy they didn’t think I was funny ever.  I brouthg the DVD from my first stage shows for them to watch, and they simply chose not to.  They think I am doing comedy because I want to be a big shot.

FUCK THAT!!!!! The truth is, for those of you who remember, I started doing this because I felt like I had the basic tools to be able to succeed at comedy, and I was right.  Sure, I have made a lot of mistakes and they have helped me maybe more than they should have, but holy fuck, batman!  IF I ever have kids, there is no fucking way in hell that I would ever be that ignorant towards them.  People need to be congratulated for trying things, for wanting to grow and stretch their boundaries of what they can achieve.  Every time I see them now they talk about all my mistakes.  ALL THE FUCKING TIME

For years I didn’t feel good about who I was, mostly because of their brow-beating of me.  It’s not good to be different, they’d say.  You should be like everyone else’s kids.  Yeah, bullshit to that.  If you ever happen to see them out somewhere, you can thank them for being supportive of me all these years.  Oh wait a second, for you to know what they look like, that means you would have to had seen them with me somewhere, but they are too good to come and support me in taking an interest in my life.  That is why I would like to find a relationship, one that actually works, with someone who isn’t rude, ignorant or judgemental, someone supportive with a good family, so I can see how a normal family is supposed to operate. 

As for anyone else who thinks I am a failure and ashamed to say they know me, I’ve already kicked you to the fucking curb.  Ever since I became homeless, it seems as if I’ve had more friends who I don’t normally talk to, rally around me.  That is a good feeling to have.  Sure, my friends I graduated high school with are better off in many ways compared to me, but they don’t spend time asking me how this happened or judging me based on where I am.  At least they are smart enough to know that it’s who I am as a person that matter most, not what I am. 

I am finally good at comedy, getting laughs.  Some people don’t like the fact I am successful at comedy.  Some think I should quit when things get tough in life.  To those people, I ask you to leave me alone, because if you don’t, my real, tried and true friends will tell you to take a hike.

You are either on my side or judging me.  The people at the comedy club don’t judge so what gives you the fucking right to?  I am moving up in the comedy scene in the city, and there is proof of that all around me.  So seriously grow the fuck up or get lost.  That means you mom, dad and my brother who thinks he’s so tough.  He’s a disappointment, just like the rest of my family.  Far as I’m concerned, I have none going forward.

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