The Lineup To Push Me Off The Cliff – Once And For All
Tags: amateur comedians, bullying, Saskatoon, stand-up comedy, The Stand-Up Diaries, trevor deanA friend of mine had sent me a Facebook message today, asking me if I was going to be part of an open mic night here in the city. I mentioned that I wasn’t interested given the threats that have been made against me. That, combined with the decision to forge ahead on my own made the decision a no-brainer for me really. My friend then commended me for keeping with it despite all the oppression and bullying I’ve been subjected to since the start. She said that if it was her in my shoes, she would have given up by now.
I’m not throwing a good friend under the bus. I highlighted this conversation because I’ve started to think about my journey thus far in the comedy world. Let’s face it, I have a lot of time to think about things since I haven’t been on stage for a couple months already.
The great thing about life that makes it so amazing is that despite the large number of people here on Earth, God created each one of us differently than our neighbour. It is because of these differences that we find inspiration and hope from others. What one person lacks as a character trait, for example, they can find in a friend or a co-worker that could be the catalyst towards change. Or on the opposite end, you can find some real assholes (sometimes right in your own back yard) that make you feel better about being able to treat others with common courtesy and respect.
The only difference between this posting and an earlier post about the bullying I received is that the bullying this time around was amped up, culminating in my decision to go out on my own. It’s been my philosophy that you learn what a person it truly like when the shit hits the fan. Some people do a good job of talking the talk but have lousy communication skills when the heat gets turned up in their kitchen. Sometimes if I get the hint of a person being an asshole, inside I’m thinking “okay, I’m pretty sure you’re a dick, so why not get it over with and have the real you come out, and let me deal with the fallout from your bullshit so we can either move forward in our friendship or it will give me a loud and clear signal to cut ties with that person.”
I’ve always been shit on throughout my life, from previous jobs, parents, and so-called friends. It used to bother me a few years ago more than it does now, as I’ve learned to have it go in one ear and out the other. I certainly don’t miss being bullied on Facebook, as the people who were “friends” that bullied me through social media and in public aren’t really friends.
They’re PHONIES
Looking back it’s nice to see how I’ve handled the negativity for the most part. I just let it roll off of me, knowing it wasn’t worth getting into a verbal war with people like that. It’s a dangerous thing to get into a war of words with someone who is insecure, because the insecure ones, as we all know, make effective bullies for the most part. When you make a comment about them it gets their guard up and they hit to hurt, even if the comment you made was in no way malicious. Make no mistake about it, there are people who wish I would quit, in their “professional” opinion I have no place in comedy.
Am I sad about not being on stage? Do I miss it? What’s next for me?
I miss the hard work and preparation that went into developing a set, especially the work I did with my comedy coach. As previously mentioned, it took several hours to come up with seven solid minutes of material. That averages out to one minute for every hour. Looking back, what made those few months memorable was the fact that I had a true, successful professional comedian on my side believing in my ability and wanting to help me prove people wrong. I miss the practicing and the comeback special, where I was the only comic that night who got laughs on every joke from beginning to end, they were consistent laughs!
I need to scrap my previous material with the exception of my comeback set, and start over from scratch. The problem at this moment is finding the inspiration to write. It happens to a lot of comedians where they don’t feel the desire to write new material. It’s worth noting the difference, in my opinion of why I don’t write new material now versus the comics I know who don’t write new material for a period of time. Some of the comics don’t write new material for a period of time because they believe their own hype, thinking they are good enough to use their recycled jokes from years gone by.
I am not writing new material now because of where I’m at in life now. I wouldn’t say I’m happy, and I don’t think content is the right word either, because I’m not one to rest on my laurels. It’s come to a point right now where work takes up most of my energy and time, dealing with workplace politics (a.k.a bullshit) and training a new employee to handle one of my main job duties. I walk a half hour each way to and from work, a 6 km. round trip. At the end of the day I’m tired, fried and it takes a good while for my brain to shut off from the day to be able to relax.
This isn’t to say that i will quit altogether, even though there are several people who want me to. The people who want me to quit are the bullies, who other people don’t think to highly of either based on the way they conduct themselves. There will come a point where I get back to writing and applying the principles learned through my comedy coach. Maybe I’m waiting for my next meeting with my coach or I’m waiting til work slows down to where it’s not so mind boggling that I can regain the energy and desire to pursue other things outside of work.
There are things that aren’t going right in my life right now, but when you look at the big picture I’m in a better place than I was a year ago. I am no longer homeless, have a nice place to live in, and job security even though the pay is rather poor.
Despite all that’s happened to me in comedy with the bullshit, I’ve never thought about stopping down to other peoples level to try and match wits with them. It’s not my style to be a bully. In the end I have the confidence knowing the talents and ability God gave me when i was born. I just kept telling myself that one day I’ll show them that I can do it. I didn’t know when that day was going to come, but I knew it would come.
That’s called faith
I have faith that I will be on stage again in the future. When, or how is not for me to say right now. It’s all part of His plan.
Be blessed