Going Down

Tags: comedians, comedy, Saskatoon, Saskatoon comedians, Saskatoon comedy, stand-up diaries, struggles, The Stand-Up Diaries, the standup diaries, trevor dean, Trevor Dean comedian, trevor dean saskatoon

Numbers can be a great equalizer, show a deficiency or lack, or empower you.  But regardless of how you slice it, numbers never quite tell the entire story.  You need to dig a little bit deeper.

In looking at the numbers for this blog, it’s been about nine years and next year it should eclipse the 50,000 views mark.  It has been read in over 110 countries from over 15,000 users.

The year 2017 saw almost 9,000 views and since then has been on a gradual decline, as you’ll see:

2017 – views=8,342  visitors=2,504  posts published=36

2018 – views=6,398  visitors=1,777  posts published=34

2019 – views=4,792  visitors=1,663  posts published=40

2020 – views=3,079  visitors=1,136  posts published=22

There are reasons for the decline.  Sometimes life just gets in the way and the last thing you think about is wanting to write, regardless whether it’s for comedy purposes or to publish new content for this blog.  The radio show has also cut into my writing time.  I am aware that I stated the show would not be discussed in this blog, but it seems in 2020 the rules we are now subjected to have changed, and are changing daily, so might as well join in and adapt, even with this blog.

I live in an okay part of the city, as it’s easy access to the things I need.  At night you’re asking for trouble if you walk in the wrong part of the neighbourhood, as I have found out.  I live in a “basement suite” that isn’t quite one.  This does not feel like home.  I work a minimum wage job that I enjoy from a co-workers standpoint, yet management is unwilling to help me get to where we agreed I would like to end up.  Everywhere I go I have to walk, which leads to major issues with my legs and feet in the last few months.  If I bike too much my hips bother me, and when my family asks how things are, I casually mention that a vehicle of some sort would take the wear and tear off of my body, only to have them (usually my dad) tell me that I don’t deserve one.  The volunteering, the comedy, the radio show….all that means nothing to them.

I do not look forward to Christmas anymore either.  Ever since my uncle got remarried to a real “prize”, we stopped alternating Christmas day between his house and my parents.  His second wife treats our family like we are second class citizens and was very rude and disrespectful towards my mother, yet we were the ones she called (moreso my dad) when she needed help trying to figure out the bookkeeping end of my uncle’s cleaning business.

I am single, no kids, and no real prospects for anyone decent that can add to my life, making me a better man in the process.  Christmas is predictable and boring.  I will get gift cards from my brother, because he has the personality of cardboard and makes zero effort when it comes to shopping, getting me gifts over the last few years based on my likes of 15 – 20 years ago.  The family will sit around and talk with him and his girlfriend with all their new vehicles in the driveway.  I will be an afterthought.

My mother once asked why I have to be so different.  Well, I am adopted then they had my brother a couple of years later.  My dad and brother are quite alike, as my brothers girlfriend has found out (they both share a temper and inability to properly deal with life when things go off track).  As a kid my main interests were music, talk radio, sports and reading.  Those interests still hold some degree of prominence in my life today, but it’s never a topic of conversation.  It’s always about the past.  That is how I am defined.  My church family is more of a real family to me, because they act the way a family is supposed to, in good times and bad.

The radio show leaves me stressed with many a sleepless night.  Christmas Eve I do the show, go to sleep then have to head to the house for Christmas Day.  New Years Eve I will do the show then sleep the first day of 2021 away, more than likely.

When it comes to comedy, the energy to create isn’t there.  Sure, I have lots of new premises that are different than anybody else is talking about in the city.  It would set me apart from the other comics even more, but with a lack of crowds attending a lack of shows, and not being considered for some shows, it just doesn’t seem like a priority to sit down with my comedy coach to hash out some new material.

One of the main reasons I would want to book time with my coach in L.A. was because there was a light at the end of the tunnel, something I could see myself working towards.  But today governments are controlling its people and fear, paranoia, frustration, anger and apathy have set in.  This garbage has been going on far too long now, with no end in sight.  Nobody seems to have a sense of what direction things will go in, or when things will start trending upward again.  Doing Zoom shows for an audience that is mainly comprised of other local comics doesn’t give you that shot in the arm you need to get your material tight.

This is the only post I have done for the month of November.  After reading this post, it is easy to understand why.