With Apologies….To Whom?

Tags: stand-up diaries, standup diaries, The Stand-Up Diaries, trevor dean, Trevor Dean comedian, trevor dean saskatoon

Regardless of what you believe, if you’ve never been to Third Avenue United Church, you’re missing out on one of the city’s great historical landmarks.

The church opened in 1913.  It closed a few years ago due to dwindling attendance, which made it hard to spend the money for its upkeep.

Walking inside, you see the stained glass windows that adorn the east and west walls within the sanctuary.  It’s magnificent artistry to behold.  The pipe organ could almost be described as a force of nature; one can hear the whirring of the organ warming up as it is turned on.  The organist and choir loft are about halfway up from the pews.

The organist is so high up, in fact, that they have a mirror in front of them and off to the left, to get a reflection of what’s going on down below, making it easier to follow the service when needed.  The acoustics are great too.  Very great.  On Christmas Eve of years past, you could hear the trumpeter belt out notes that echoed and rang out with such beauty.

For all its grandeur, it is amazing to view from the outside with the original stone construction.  But, the inside, its treasures and memories may never be accessed by anyone again.

That’s kind of the way I view my comedy career to this point.  To the passerby there are noteworthy moments or accomplishments, but nobody is interested to take a peek inside.

If we ever get back to normal from this nonsense, the only paid gigs at a pro club will likely come from Regina,  The bookings in Saskatoon I don’t believe would happen, for reasons which are not relevant to this post.  Every comic craves a real audience in a non open-mic setting, because that’s where you learn the most from corporate gigs, opening at a club, Christmas parties or fundraisers.

With the way things have panned out for me, could it be possible that the only meaningful gig for me on the horizon is to get back to Oakland for their comedy competition?  If that was the case, it’s a year away, or longer if certain pieces of the puzzle fall into place,

I am looking at my life now, close to 48 years old, working retail, family health concerns, family dynamics, being alone, and don’t see comedy as a major part of my life, a motivator, if you will.

That isn’t to say I am quitting and turning my back on the almost ten years of growth, lessons learned and relationships gained as a result.  But now, I do see a light at the end of the tunnel rather clearly.  I see a career up ahead.  A career where I can make good money, have professional growth and make a difference while being surrounded by an employer that wants to empower me, see me succeed.

I am not talking about my current place of employment in this light.  A career change is coming, once certain pieces fall into place.

Once this career change happens, I will be able to move from where I live currently.  This is not “home” to me, it’s simply an address where I can receive my mail and sleep at night.  It isn’t safe at night, especially when you consider that I walk or bus everywhere.  I’m not riding the bike anymore because it messes up the IT band in my hips (yes it’s a thing).  I suppose I could ride a bike if I didn’t always get them stolen and have that be my sole method of transportation.

This career will allow me to get a vehicle, a nicer place with a garden and hopefully a pet or two.

If I had this new career start today, would I be happy?  Not necessarily, but I would be finally on the way to creating the life and opportunities for myself that I have always deserved.  They just happened to come a bit later in life, that’s all.  I would be immersed in learning this new career to get to the supervisor role that they envision for me.  That might mean extra money to get more comedy coaching.  But I would still need the motivation to sit down and hash out the pages of ideas that I jotted down over the last few months, but never looked at beyond writing them down.

If I did have this career, it might make comedy more fun even though stage appearances would be more infrequent.  I would take the stage time and gigs more seriously than I have before, maybe because I would be more relaxed due to a new career, so it allows me to focus more intently on comedy.  This new career will keep me busy, so anything I pursue outside of that will be because I want to, not because I have to from seeing comedy as the ticket to major successes.

Being left out of the backyard shows doesn’t bother me.  If I have to wait until next summer for a meaningful stage appearance, so be it.  Sure, I may still be alone, my mothers health will continue to decline, the family dynamics will become more fractured, but I will be working towards a future I knew I was capable of attaining, yet one I could not clearly see.  Until now.