If Wishes Came True

Tags: Saskatoon, Saskatoon comedians, Saskatoon comedy, standup diaries, The Stand-Up Diaries, the standup diaries, trevor dean, Trevor Dean comedian, trevor dean saskatoon

In the almost ten years of writing this, there have been some recurring themes, expressed in different ways.  One of them was to wonder aloud if, and when I would be able to find a woman to date that would support me at a show.

Performers of all stripes do better when they know friends, family or a special someone is in the audience watching.  Most times you can’t see the audience because of the spotlight shining on you, or because the room is not brightly lit.  If you know that a certain somebody is there, regardless of whether you can see them or not, it makes you feel better about that nights performance, at least it should, in my experience.  I think.

The last time I was in a relationship was back around 2016.  At that time, comedy was a grind.  The verbal abuse and bullying got so bad that I was scared to perform anywhere in Saskatoon for 18 months.  During that time I did all my shows in Regina.  But, I had an attractive girlfriend, so that should have made it better to have somebody in my corner that wanted to see me perform, right?

I wish I could tell you that was the case, but my words and actions were arrogant, ignorant and dismissive.  I asked her to sit at the back where she couldn’t be seen, because I didn’t need the distraction of having her sit at the front.  Yet, all the time I was single until that point, all I ever wanted was to see the smiling, supportive face of somebody in the audience who was there for only me.

Even though I was well into working with my comedy coach at that point, I wasn’t confident in my material or myself.  It showed in the way I treated my relationship.

Regardless of the mistakes I made, and there were many, at the end of the day she was not the right woman for me.

Time is a healer and a teacher.  Time has afforded me the opportunity to do both.  Now, I am presented with a situation that I have wanted for a very long time, but not entirely sure that I want to pursue.

There is an amazing lady I met recently.  She is different from the others.  From the moment I met her, my perception of her was different, like seeing something from a new perspective, from a healthier point of view, maybe.  I won’t get into details about how she is different, but sometimes when you meet somebody, you just get a different vibe about that person, you know?

So, she had found videos of me when Dylan Williamson interviewed me for the Open Mic Insider, and somehow found me to message me on my Twitter account for comedy, and on the radio shows Facebook fan page (soon to be deleted, however….that’s another post that will come down the chute this weekend).  When we met and chatted, she seemed enthralled about my comedy career, about the fact I did stand-up, and proceeded to ask me questions about comedy for over 90 minutes of our visit.

She wants to come watch my live performance, even after she saw my comedy videos.  Yes, you read that right.  She is eager to see me again, and to see me onstage.  I know, I can’t believe it either.

The dilemma, if you want to call it that, is when she talked about wanting to see me on stage, I didn’t have a desire to be on stage at all.  The radio show is no longer happening, and I felt like I wasn’t getting any real support from the local comedy community or friends.  That sort of took the steam out of my engine and left me deflated.  I really had no intentions of considering a return to the stage, I mean, I have pages of material I’ve been sitting on, needing to get hashed out or that are stage ready, on a variety of topics that I think would work.  But I can’t get on stage and perform if I don’t feel like it.  In my earlier days I used to be able to just get up there and do it, even if I didn’t get paid because I enjoyed it too much to give up.

But now, the more I thought about it, it’s unfair of me to punish somebody new who wants to be supportive and encouraging, to deny her the opportunity to do so.  I’ve learned enough life lessons being single these past several years to know I won’t be a jerk like that again.  Not to her.  She is different.  She deserves better of me, and I deserve better of myself.

So next Saturday night I will be on stage with this amazing woman sitting at a table, with me.  It will be a date.  I haven’t had one of those for a while.

Now there is a bit of pressure, of expectation on my part, which is fine.  I now have to step up and be the type of comic and person I talked about.  I said I worked clean, and never gave her the impression I am offensive or rude.  I have to hold myself, comedically and personally, to that standard.  For the first time in months, my material has to be well thought out, tight, and have the look and feel of somebody that’s been doing this for the past ten years (with varied amounts of success).

I would like to think there will be more than one date, moreover I would like to believe there will be more shows she will want to attend.  For something that has defined the last ten years of my life to a certain degree, I have to be careful to make sure comedy does not define 100% of who I am to her.  I am in a better place now than when I was during my last relationship, on several fronts.

I don’t know how next Saturday night will go.  All I can do is prepare, rehearse and be the best that I can be.  Of course, getting the pink suit back from the cleaners in time will help.

All the while of being single, I have surrounded myself with great role models and mentors from church.  Sometimes the best lessons learned aren’t ones that others tell you, but the ones you learn by observing how spouses or boyfriend/girlfriend treat each other.  I am thankful for the many positive examples I have to try and emulate from a great church.

Oh, one more thing.  I just realized that for the first time since this blog started ten years ago, I missed posting at least one post per month.  I missed out on June.  Even for me, that’s pretty impressive.