No Desire, No Growth

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I guess that I should have seen this coming.  How could I expect to put on a decent performance when I halfheartedly decided to only memorize the first four minutes of my ten minute set?

Exactly.  I shouldn’t have, and it showed.  The recording does not lie.  I can now see why it took two years for me to bother recording a set.  The key word in that sentence is bother.

If you stay where you are and enjoy the mediocrity of being like everybody else, then you cannot reasonably expect to grow or gain any insight, unless you want to gain insight from failure.

But will failing start the internal engine to get things better?  Will it help me to write better, to organize a good set list?  Well, it starts with having shows that you want to do well at.  It’s sad to say, but the rooms with very few people does not make you want to try your best, especially after ten years of doing this when more often than not, the shows have no steaks, no good audience where they are close together instead of being spread out and not really into the show.

I have one more live appearance, at least, in the remaining weeks of 2021.  Will I care enough to try to do better?  As of right now, I don’t want to.  Sad, but true.

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