Anyone Have A Firestarter They Can Lend Me?

Tags: amateur comedians, bullying, comedy scene, Saskatoon, stand-up comedy, The Stand-Up Diaries, trevor dean

In church today they asked for people to come to the front and give testimonies.  I went up first and talked about the issue I had with my blurry vision this week.  I had what the optometrist called “temporary astigmatism” and I made this comment:

When I heard this I was relieved, because I finally had an excuse as to why I always pick the wrong women to date

The pastor was alongside me and mentioned that it was drawn-out laughter, when in fact I actually timed a laugh.  It was a bit of a delayed reaction, and the laughs went for a while, but suddenly my comedic experience (which isn’t much) took over and I made sure not to speak over the laughter.  At that point I realized a few things, the first being that I really missed the laughs.  At that moment I stood up there, mic in hand and I felt comfortable when I got the laughs.

I am the only adult in our congregation who is single, at least of the guys (to the best of my knowledge), so after the service everyone else was busy with their families and/or significant others.  I felt out of place for a bit, then once it hit me that I actually properly timed a laugh earlier, I remembered the several months it took, not to mention the $700 it cost for the coaching combined with the unnecessary intimidation, bullying and verbal abuse I received from certain comedians.  To bust my ass the last two years and not get very far to this point isn’t a big deal, as I have had a few victories along the way.  However what bothers me more is at that moment, standing there in the foyer of the church by myself, back against the wall, I felt like I had nobody there for me.

Sure, I have Him and I do feel blessed in some respects, but at the same time I have nobody here in the physical realm to help me, at least that’s the way I feel.  The one notable exception here is a headliner from Edmonton who has been offering mentoring and guidance to me over the last few months, right around the time that my comedy coach stopped replying to my emails as it has been over four months since I have heard from him.  Add to that the only stage time I can get is in Regina at the moment, and it makes for this comic to be feeling stuck.

Why am I even admitting this?  I am doing so because this is who I am, without ego, not blaming others for my my problems as there are some comics I know who are phony pieces of shit.  They act like they are wonderful people to be around, when in fact they are insecure bullies who can’t wait to throw you under the bus to make themselves feel better.  I once heard that a lot of comics are insecure, and you can certainly see that in the people I no longer associate with.  For the record, I am not insecure, nor am I a bully.  Remember folks, I got into comedy because I believed I have the tools to succeed.

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not quitting.  It’s just difficult when it feels like there is nobody really by your side through it all from a relationship standpoint.  Sure, I’d love to turn that into comedy and take the pain I feel and put some emotion into a good comedic performance based on that emptiness I feel, however right now with the way things are, the work situation, feeling out of place at church, and with no dates on the horizon, it makes it difficult for me at this point in time to get cracking and produce some material.

It doesn’t help either that by the time I get back on stage in February, it will already have been several months between comedic sets.  With Christmas coming as well and the kind of grumpy feeling I get at times over the holiday season, that makes it rather difficult if not impossible at times to get the motivation to write.

I guess you could say that my dating life is a good parallel to my comedy life in this sense…..

I am alone, awkward and making mistakes as I go, very little success comes from it, but I still keep trying to get it right……

God bless