Is It Really An Improbable Construction Project?

Tags: comedians, comedy, faith, Saskatoon, Saskatoon comedians, Saskatoon comedy, stand-up comedy, stand-up diaries, standup diaries, The Stand-Up Diaries, trevor dean, Trevor Dean comedian, trevor dean saskatoon

I was booked for a gig at The Laugh Shop a couple years ago. It was a 30 minute opening, and I happened to post on my Facebook comedy page that I wasn’t sure if I could do a half hour, let alone how it will go. If the headliner sees that, they won’t have much confidence in the show. That’s understandable.

For the past several years I’ve posted a few hundred of these posts with unique and eye catching titles. I’ve had a myriad of reactions to them from threatening, to harrassing, bullying, critical and supportive. Some people like being critical and picking every bit of my posts apart, while some find hope and the positive or inspiring parts of what I write.

Yes, I am working a corporate show next Friday. It’s the first one I have ever done in my several years in comedy. That alone is a very clear indication of what the comedy community thinks of me. They would rather make excuses and put the blame solely on me, instead of looking inward and maybe thinking they could have done more, considering all that I’ve done for the local scene, only to get almost nothing back in return, either from the comedy community or an audience itself.

This post isn’t questioning my ability to put on a good show for this Christmas party. Instead, it’s openly asking just how much I’ll be pursuing comedy in the future. Next Friday will be a good barometer, and it’s all because of what happened last night, at church.

I recieved a refund cheque from my bank in the mail early last week, to the tune of almost $3,000. This is able to cover my bills and eradicate all of my debts and bills except for a couple. It comes at the right time with Christmas around the corner and not working for a couple months already.

Actually, change that. At this point in my life, it doesn’t bother me whether I have money for gifts at Christmas time or not. The last few years I haven’t had a job over Christmas. I’m used to it, sadly. But at the same time I don’t really need gifts or to buy any. I have what I need, and the holidays should be about family. Unfortunately, my family would rather be about treating me based on my circumstances, like they have for most of my life, instead of treating me the way a family is supposed to treat their son.

It would be nice to have a relationship and spend time with the girlfriend’s family, IF I had a relationship, which sadly, or maybe thankfully (at the moment), I do not. I’m not saying that I don’t want a relationship, because it would be welcomed. I’m in a far better place, much healthier on the inside to be able to properly navigate a relationship, to cherish and honour the other person. But, if it’s not part of His plan at the present time, then so be it. But a girlfriend, let alone a real date would be great, just saying.

Anyways, last night at church, before the sermon, the pastor made mention of my good fortune, that all started because one of the prayer people prayed financial abundance over me about a month ago. It’s one of those things I didn’t necessarily believe, as I was of the mindset that it was nice of him to speak something positive over me. Next time I’ll know better to consider prayers like that to be words of prophecy instead.

Then, the pastor said he believes that I received that money as a blessing from God, because I am growing in Him and have been a consistent part of the church body for almost two years. I don’t care what you say, that made me feel good, a certain type of feeling that I haven’t felt in years when the world seemed to be content to do nothing but beat me into the ground. It was a feeling of hope, of accomplishment, being able to see something tangible and positive come from my efforts. My efforts have been consistent for three times a week over the almost two years. There have been ups and downs, but regardless of my circumstances, I still show up, still get prayer and still get impacted by the teachings.

I was on the verge of tears, that’s how strong this moment was for me, to know that I finally had a sign that I was on the right track, a sign in the natural realm, instead of signs from within. That moment was powerful and gave me far more satisfaction than anything comedy has ever given me, more than anything in a relationship has ever given me.

Now, let’s tie this all back to comedy and the Christmas party I’m doing next Friday night.

What I experienced Friday night was something that transcended comedy. It makes me wonder if I should be doing comedy at all, and am I doing it to chase laughs or to show that I can succeed?

If I get big laughs from next Friday, how will that make me feel? Will it propel me to go after comedy with a newfound fire, going more in a clean/Christian direction? Maybe I will be the only Christian comedian in the city. Maybe I will make my rounds to the churches to perform. Maybe those shows will sell tickets. Maybe it’s a new career path for me.

maybe

Or, it could be that with God present in the venue, at that party, He will show me it’s not the direction I need to take. Maybe the audience reaction will be great. Maybe it won’t be. Maybe I’ll feel good about doing comedy. Maybe I won’t.

I’ve made some huge strides in my personal growth from church during the time I’ve been away from the stage. It’s been enough of a change that I openly question what’s going to happen with me after the gig is done. How will I feel? In what direction will my heart be lead?

After the set is done, I want to go back to church and catch the tail end of the Friday night service, if possible. After the service, there will be as fellowship time downstairs, where we can relax, visit and enjoy fruit, desserts and assorted snacks.

That’s what I would call a good night. Going to church would be the only dating option, really. I used to think it would be going to karaoke or having my date watch me perform stand-up. Those ideas would make me somewhat uncomfortable, maybe because the focus would be on me. Maybe church is the only option to take a date to (once they are comfortable enough with me), because I have learned that attending church with a date can tell you way more about that person than you’d find out from going to dinner and chatting the night away.

A part of me isn’t looking forward to the set next Friday. It’s going to be uncomfortable. Then again, if you aren’t made to feel uncomfortable, how do you grow?

I will prepare and do my best. The rest is up to God and how He wants to use me. So, if you see me after the gig and ask me how it went, forgive me if I can’t give you a simple answer, because this isn’t a simple journey I’ve been on.

and there is nothing wrong with that